She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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