Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize