My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
