By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
