I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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