On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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