SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
