help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
