I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
