i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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