does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
