I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize