After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
