She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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