She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
that's an acceptable place to lick
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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