Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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