I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
