Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she smelled like a LAN party
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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