My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
