I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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