Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
