my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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