Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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