i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
