I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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