my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She bit a glass in half.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
