i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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