your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
