Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
