That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
