i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
