one might say we're banned from that church
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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