he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
