My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
