After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize