It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
