I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
