Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
