She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We got so high we made milksteak
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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