So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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