i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
