when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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