don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
