just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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