You really coming over, don't trick.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
