I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this beer tastes like vomit already
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
