Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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