if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize