Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Randomize
