So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
