It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
