I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
