the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
