We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
