He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
PANTIES FOUND
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