Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
