I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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