Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
