i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize