Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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