Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize