the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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