Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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