Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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