some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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