is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
