my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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