She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want to fling myself into the sun
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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