I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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