My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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