I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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