i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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