there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
