I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
