he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
