matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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