You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
